Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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