I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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