In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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