so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize