Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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