Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
