dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
