were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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