Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
