I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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