there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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