Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
