I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
