Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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