Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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