My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His nipple licking is glorious
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