Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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