seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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