I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
