1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
