drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
