ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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