The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
