you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
