Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
two words...techno handjob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
