We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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