Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
