Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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