I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
