Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you had me at cake vodka
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
