Your face is a jimmy john
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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