I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
