i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
