I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
