If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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