I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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