you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
