I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
