I wish I could teleport
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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