SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
