yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think i have herpe
just one?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize