This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
