I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
