I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
