i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
