just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
