i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
