dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
