Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
