I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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