Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
