no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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