my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
