Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
