Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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