I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
