What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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