someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
