The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
