if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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