If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
