i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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