I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
