goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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