Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize