My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
