This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
