saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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