How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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