Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
