have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
