I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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