I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
