Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude. I can hear the air.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
