i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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