Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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