So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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