I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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