If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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