ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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