I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
