we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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