Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dick very happy bro
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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