ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
