I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
