Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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