Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
