Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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