Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize