I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just pee around me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
