it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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