sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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