she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
