I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize