Yo dont text me then not text me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
