For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
