I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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