the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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