I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
